I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
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#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
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She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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