And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Don't make out with my wife yet
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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