my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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