He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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