piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Randomize
