Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
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Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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