I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
