the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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