I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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