when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
