he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
