Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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