Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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