People in love make me want to vomit
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
