apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
