The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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