idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
