at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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