he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
