Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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