I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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