I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
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We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
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well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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