They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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