Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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