i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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