Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
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I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
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I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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