Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
