so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
