my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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