Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
