Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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