quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
my shit smells like andre
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
They are going to name an STD after you.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
