Too much gin, very little bucket
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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