I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
