I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm getting married
To pizza
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
