I want to stick my p in your. b.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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