Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
