turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
