Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
