What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
