They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
