apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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