and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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