Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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