I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
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