She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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