His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
