My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
