I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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