I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
