Who wears a wallet chain?!
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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