Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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