I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
