I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
