I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
