it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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