i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
