dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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