apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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