pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I would fuck him just for his dog
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
