in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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